Australian Animals That Won't Kill You, Ranked (Kotaku)

A close friend of my wife moved to Oz with her husband. Their kids, born there, take the oft-lethal fauna & flora in their stride, evict the frequent 'home-invasions' without batting an eye-lash...

Even so, they routinely deploy enough 'Due Care' for an ordnance tech faced with a crate of 'sweating' nitro...

from Slim Newton's Greatest Hits...

There was a red-back on the toilet seat
When I was there last night,
I didn't see him in the dark,
But boy! I felt his b***!

I jumped high up into the air,
And when I hit the ground,
That crafty red-back spider
Wasn't nowhere to be found.

I rushed in to the missus,
Told her just where I'd been bit,
She grabbed the cut throat razor blade,
And I nearly took a fit.

I said, "Just forget what's on your mind,
And call a doctor please,
'Cause I've got a feeling that your cure
Is worse than the disease."

There was a red-back on the toilet seat
When I was there last night,
I didn't see him in the dark,
But boy! I felt his b***!

And now I'm here in hospital,
A sad and sorry plight,
And I curse that red-back spider
On the toilet seat last night.

I can't lay down, I can't sit up,
And I don't know what to do,
And all the nurses think it's funny,
But that's not my point of view.

I tell you it's embarrassing,
And that's to say the least
That I'm to sick to eat a b***,
While that spider had a feast!

And when I get back home again,
I tell you what I'll do,
I'll make that red-back suffer
For the pain I'm going through.

I've had so many needles
That I'm looking like a sieve,
And I promise you that spider
Hasn't very long to live!

There was a red-back on the toilet seat
When I was there last night,
I didn't see him in the dark,
But boy! I felt his b***!

And now I'm here in hospital,
A sad and sorry plight,
And I curse that red-back spider
On the toilet seat last night.
----------------------------------

Nik-note: There are several sequels to this, each wilder...
 
What those two bozos dont realise is that Gympie has a Sheila in Pomny land who has watched that video and is mighty pissed.

Like all Triffids Gladys has ways of writing her own travel plans (well she is fictional after all) and British Airways has started flying to Oz. Just saying you blokes if you hear a rustling and whiplash in the garden remember Gympie as Gladys sends you to the Promised Land.
 

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Flooding even on a small scale in UK ruins lives and kills people. So listening in bed to the BBC reporting current flood risks in Australia immediately struck a chord.

Then I remembered that in Oz you have all that dangerous wildlife. A lot of which can swim and kill at the same time.

So now really feeling for the folks there.
 
uk 75 said:
What those two bozos dont realise is that Gympie has a Sheila in Pomny land who has watched that video and is mighty pissed.

Like all Triffids Gladys has ways of writing her own travel plans (well she is fictional after all) and British Airways has started flying to Oz. Just saying you blokes if you hear a rustling and whiplash in the garden remember Gympie as Gladys sends you to the Promised Land.
Click to expand...
Ah yes, the perfect gift when you want to say it with flowers.
 
Even an Anemone can kill you there:

news.yahoo.com

Dog walker spots rare — and ‘highly venomous’ — sea creature on beach in Australia

The “unusual” animal is the “most dangerous” of its kind in the country. Take a look.
news.yahoo.com news.yahoo.com

54066571b7b19db5e542c8b461f46c5c
 

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