Bailey
ACCESS: Secret
- Joined
- 24 July 2009
- Messages
- 308
- Reaction score
- 34
The Safe Forum Guide
A bit like a safe sex guide.....if you are having sex, don't let the wife find out!
1.Do not try to discuss the merits or otherwise of the swing wing Phantom project with the wife over the breakfast table. Boiled eggs make lousy suppositories.
2.Try not to wake up your wife at 3:00 in the morning by scrabbling about in the wardrobe for that old magazine with the article about the Sahara Aviation flying boat project that Fred on the forum is looking for. Remember that a trial separation is only a trial for you.
3.It is never a good ideal to happily announce to the wife that you have just made your 1000th post on the forum while she is in the middle of watching East Enders. Judges consider this mental cruelty and will adjust the divorce settlement in her favour accordingly.
4.Never mention the forum in front of the children, they are too young to understand and will be scarred for life, They will have to lie to their school friends, “ My real dad's in Parkhurst for hacking 5 women to death”. Visiting rights will also be affected.
5.Don't tell your parents, they will only see it as proof that old uncle Harry was right when he said “that boy will never amount to anything much. They immediately change their will in favour of a cats home and spend the rest of their lives blaming each other for passing on the defective genes.
6.Never discuss your interest with the neighbours, the Greenpeace supporter on one side will blame you personally for aircraft pollution, global warming and the death of countless furry animals. The old boy on the other side spent two weeks as a shop floor sweeper at Vickers and is now qualified to lecture you for hours on the demise of Britain's aircraft industry.
7.Do not let your boss at work know, he will mark you down as about as trustworthy as an M.P's expense claim. Depending on the company ethos you will either be demoted to teaboy or promoted to CEO. Either way the IT department will take away your internet facility and you e-mails will be monitored by Special Branch, the Serious Fraud Squad and Homeland Security.
8.Even your closest friends must be kept in the dark about your guilty secret. If you wish to retain any social standing it would probably be better to announce that you are into bestiality and currently suffering from an STD that you caught from a sheep that you had a bit of business with last week.
9.Best not to mention your illness to either your doctor or your bank manager. The upside of being locked up in a mental institution is that you won't have to worry about keeping a roof over your head after your mortgage has been foreclosed. The downside is that getting out to visit airshows is somewhat difficult.
10.Finally if you must get it off your chest and tell someone, confess your sins to your local priest. Under the rules of the confessional he can tell no one but God.....but there again Overscan will already know.
The above is based on years of others experiences....I sure people can add more.
Cheers Bailey
A bit like a safe sex guide.....if you are having sex, don't let the wife find out!
1.Do not try to discuss the merits or otherwise of the swing wing Phantom project with the wife over the breakfast table. Boiled eggs make lousy suppositories.
2.Try not to wake up your wife at 3:00 in the morning by scrabbling about in the wardrobe for that old magazine with the article about the Sahara Aviation flying boat project that Fred on the forum is looking for. Remember that a trial separation is only a trial for you.
3.It is never a good ideal to happily announce to the wife that you have just made your 1000th post on the forum while she is in the middle of watching East Enders. Judges consider this mental cruelty and will adjust the divorce settlement in her favour accordingly.
4.Never mention the forum in front of the children, they are too young to understand and will be scarred for life, They will have to lie to their school friends, “ My real dad's in Parkhurst for hacking 5 women to death”. Visiting rights will also be affected.
5.Don't tell your parents, they will only see it as proof that old uncle Harry was right when he said “that boy will never amount to anything much. They immediately change their will in favour of a cats home and spend the rest of their lives blaming each other for passing on the defective genes.
6.Never discuss your interest with the neighbours, the Greenpeace supporter on one side will blame you personally for aircraft pollution, global warming and the death of countless furry animals. The old boy on the other side spent two weeks as a shop floor sweeper at Vickers and is now qualified to lecture you for hours on the demise of Britain's aircraft industry.
7.Do not let your boss at work know, he will mark you down as about as trustworthy as an M.P's expense claim. Depending on the company ethos you will either be demoted to teaboy or promoted to CEO. Either way the IT department will take away your internet facility and you e-mails will be monitored by Special Branch, the Serious Fraud Squad and Homeland Security.
8.Even your closest friends must be kept in the dark about your guilty secret. If you wish to retain any social standing it would probably be better to announce that you are into bestiality and currently suffering from an STD that you caught from a sheep that you had a bit of business with last week.
9.Best not to mention your illness to either your doctor or your bank manager. The upside of being locked up in a mental institution is that you won't have to worry about keeping a roof over your head after your mortgage has been foreclosed. The downside is that getting out to visit airshows is somewhat difficult.
10.Finally if you must get it off your chest and tell someone, confess your sins to your local priest. Under the rules of the confessional he can tell no one but God.....but there again Overscan will already know.
The above is based on years of others experiences....I sure people can add more.
Cheers Bailey
